They say everyone remembers their first. And they usually mean in a romanic way. The first person you lost your virginity to blah blah blah. But I could care less about that. I remember my other firsts.
Growing up we all expiernce our "firsts" and I have a habit of thinking about mine often. The first friend I had in elementary school. Her name was Desiree. We bonded over our love of horses and Harry Potter. and later shared the same bully. My first middle school friend. We became friends because we were homeschooled and there was no one else. we grew to have a special connection.
The girl I smoked my first cig with. I think about her every time I light one. I wonder what she's doing. I wonder if she remembers that night like I do. How nervous we were, feeling like true rebels. The girl I got drunk with for the first time. Running around the beach at night, giggling, and feeling that feeling of freedom for the first time. We quickly got sick and she threw up all over my front porch. I wish our friendship could have lasted.
The girl I first went to a party with. she was who I wanted to be when I grew up even though she was just a year older than I. she had a way about her. she didn't care what others thought of her, she just wanted to feel the music. I remember watching in awe and slight jealousy at her confidence. I still talk to her now and then.
The two girls I took my first "girls trip" with. it was our one and only but I think about it often. our first time on our own, planning something just for us.
The girl I first felt true friendship with. the girl I would have died for. the girl I wanted by my side when I got married. I wonder how she's doing now and I wonder if she ever thinks about me like I do her.
The first girl I hated. looking back I wonder how much of that hate was actually jealousy. the wish to be just as perfect as her with her long brown hair, clear skin, and that aura that made all the boys love her. even boys I thought were mine.
My first work friend who became my roommate and confidant. she taught me how to express my emotions. how to live life the way I wanted and that it was ok to feel so deeply.
My first friendship heartbreak. It still pains me to this day. how do you recover from losing someone who was such a big part of your life? I still haven't found an answer.
The beautiful thing is that I am only 22. I have so many more firsts ahead of me. so many other heartbreaks and loves to experience. I wonder when they'll come.
Comments
Post a Comment