Im sitting on my couch, looking out across the street at the houses and ocean past them. Sitting here feeling miserable for myself. scrolling on social media and wishing my life was more. But silly thing is that where I am used to be a dream of mine. or maybe I just liked the idea of it? Deep down I don't think I had been planning on being here for as long as I have. but now I feel stuck. stuck and dreaming of a life I want. a life I LEFT.
So instead of crying about it more, I'm going to write it down. I mean isn't that a form of manifestation?
So here's my dream life.
I am back home in Costa Rica. back in a jungle brimming with life. every step you take there is something new to admire. I have a little house in the quiet jungle. Mostly open air, screened in, but where you can hear the birds and the monkeys. the cicadas. the frogs that sing from the darkest parts of the jungle at night.
My days consist of waking up up with the sound of birds, making coffee on my gas stove, the slight hum of the jungle vibrating my body. I have my coffee on my screened in porch, watching as the bright colored hummingbirds flutter around the flowers, taking quick sips of the sweet nectar.
I grab my husband and we pile boards ontop of our old reliable Toyota 4runner and drive the ten minutes to the nearest break. Jumping into the ocean the water is warm, washing away any stress I had been carrying. we surf for a few hours, the waves are the perfect longboard conditions. Stingrays are dancing on the sand, the water is so clear you can see every ripple on the ocean floor.
Sun toasted and salty we hit a favorite breakfast spot, a little soda. Ordering Gallo pinto, huevos revueltos, aguacate, queso frito, y tocineta. with un bebida de sandia. we eat, we laugh, talking about our favorite waves of the morning. After a fulling breakfast we are energized again and decide to hit the beach.
We make the journey to my favorite beach, our car rumbling over the dirt roads, hardly avoiding potholes. But we make it in good time, and the tide is low.
The water sparkles in the sun, and the tide pools are perfectly formed. we snorkel, spotting brittle starfish, blue and yellow pufferfish, and angel fish. We float, the underwater sounds echoing in our ears, the warm ripples hugging our bodies.
After our swim we crack open the pipas we brought. they are ice cold and refreshing, spilling down our chins as we gulp them down. Once they are empty of water we break them open to snack on the meat inside.
Once we are so sun kissed we head back to our home. My favorite music blasting on the radio, the windows down, wind blowing through my wet hair.
When we get home, I take an everything shower, feeling tan and happy. After I eat a little snack before getting ready to head out to sunset and then dinner.
We drive back to the surf beach to watch as the orange and yellow sun dips into the waves, casting the brightest colors in the sky. we sit, holding hands, I'm smoking a cig, and watch as the sun says goodnight, flashing a green light before vanishing.
Now we have dinner plans with our friends. we meet up at the local Italian spot, getting tipsy on mojitos de maracuya, stuffing ourselves full of pasta and pizza, giggling. happy.
After dinner we go home where I rinse off one more time before getting in oversized clothes. My husband surprises me with ice cream. We sit on the couch sharing a spoon and watching a movie late into the night. I go to bed feeling buzzed on my day, excited to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. I fall asleep listening to the sounds of the jungle, no city noise, no other people. just us and the jungle.
Thank you for reading my dream life. It crazy to me I used to have that everyday and I left because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. I mean all my friends were. I was at the age to go to college, start a career, try something new. and I did. and now all I want is to go back to being held by the jungle. back to living a simple life, no stress. feeling happy and actually excited for a new day. Now I can't wait to fall asleep so I can escape living in my reality and I'm so depressed. I hope one day I can change that, that I can get to my dream life. back to the life I know now that I am meant to be living.
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